i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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