any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
