I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
