I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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