What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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