sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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