I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
