your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
