I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize