sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
