I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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