Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
