He kissed a someone with a penis
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
