Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize