I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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