You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
