Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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