I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
