dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
