Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
