I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
