I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
