I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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