He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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