I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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