she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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