I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
