I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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