Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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