i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize