Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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