It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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