I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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