It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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