Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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