i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
