Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
