i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
