i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
