Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
