I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
