UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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