Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
im on a boat
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