I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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