Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
