he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
