Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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