i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
