i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
