You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's the barista slut.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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