He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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