I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
