So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
