My liver just broke up with me...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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