youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
