last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
