He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
