And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
