Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Randomize
