Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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