Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
