my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize