Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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