I never want to see another naked old woman again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
