Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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