Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize