Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
