See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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