I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
