mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
