I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found puke in my bra..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
