I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She is in my trunk
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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