I hate all girls vehemently.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
