she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
