There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
