she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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