Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
