Christians are straight up FREAKS
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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