My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
