ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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