fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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