hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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