I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
