i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
