i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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