No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
