Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
