Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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