Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
And then he peed in my hair
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