she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
