i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
